I Am, Because He His

I was:

Immoral	Hateful	Prideful	Ruthless	Resentful
Angry	Jealous	Unmotivated	Emotional	Bitter
Lost	Greedy	Unconfident	Wandering	Irritable
Confused	Selfish	Un-loving	Ugly	Vain
Searching	Dirty	Mean	Undeserving	Arrogant
Impatient	Lustful	Last	Lifeless	Egotistical
Anxious	Harsh	Unforgiving	Unworthy	Isolated
Worrying	Boastful	Relentless	Lonely	SINFUL.

Now, I am:

Beautiful	Patient	Selfless	Persevering	Righteous
Loving	Discerning	Second	A Servant	Faithful
Forgiving	A Better Friend	Satisfied	Confident	A Light
Strong	Wonderfully Made	Found	Friendly	Content
Transformed	Humble	Loved	Happy	Knowledgeable
Patient	Good Listener	Forgiven	An Ambassador	Saved
Cleansed	Grateful	Motivated	Fruitful	Fed
Redeemed	Gracious	Determined	A Fisher of Men	HIS.

Because He is:

Merciful	The Vine	Creator	Good Listener	Mine
Loving	The Shepherd	Redeeming	The Best	Worthy of Praise
Forgiving	King	Wise	Saving Grace	Always There
Powerful	Living Water	Planner	Worth Waiting For	Wonderful
Understanding	The Ultimate Sacrifice	Humorous	Worth Dying For	Humble
Patient	Father	Timely	Breath of Life	Everlasting
Holy	Good	Friend	Daily Bread	Inspiring
Eternal	Beautiful	Easy to talk to	Strong	GOD.

It is finished!

It's been a week since Easter, and if any of you are like me, you probably already forgot about it, not because you're a "bad," insensitive person, solely because it's the busy time of the year. The weather has been nicer (kinda); for us students, school is coming down to a close, semester long assignments are due before you know it; baseball season started, etc. Easter is easy to forget. For me, I'm still processing and soaking in the after effects of the Lent season. Going to Evensong and FCA this past week brings me back to how close the Easter weekend really was, better yet is.

I was blessed to have the opportunity to spend Easter weekend with the Kern's (the family I stayed with last summer with my internship with Niagara Power baseball). I had a lot of family time with the little ones, who are growing up SO fast. Even better, because I've been on my own, not really cooking meals for myself, I GREATLY appreciate the meals that were prepared. Now, I have a WHOLE new appreciation for cooking.

After experiencing Lent this year, I realized why 40 days is the norm. The first two weeks is almost like going through a detoxing phase - ridding the body of caffeine, carbonated beverages, sugar from sweets, TV, whatever it is you decide to give up. The next two weeks your new "diet" is more normal. It's more routine to find ways to fight cravings, whether by spending more time with God in prayer or in the Word, chewing gum, whatever. You come to the realization that you CAN make it through this time without these things, and it sometimes surprises you that you even made it this far. The last two weeks, you recognize that you've almost made it! You're looking forward to a life where you can have sweets and caffeine. Most importantly, this 40 day process is just enough to break a habit.

Personally, I don't feel like I "need" a piece of chocolate anymore after dinner or a Diet Coke with my meal. Although, it IS nice to have (let's be honest), I don't crave it as much. I find myself not giving into those cravings as much either (the story may be different though with my afternoon coffee...eek). Going 40 days, a month and a third, without the things you want most, makes you understand that you CAN live your DAILY life without it and really depend on God to make it through. This sort of dependency most often cannot be achieved through our daily routines because we get comfortable and complacent. Hence, why Lent is 40 days long; it's intended to break a habit and start a NEW sort of routine. Romans 6:11 "in the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus."

Upon grasping this concept, I believe I have a new appreciation for the death and resurrection of Christ. It didn't really hit me until this Wednesday at Evensong where we sang songs like Lead Me to the Cross, Salvation is Here or It Is Well, that I discovered I feel different, that these songs have a different, more personal meaning to me. On Good Friday, I almost bawled remembering Christ's death was for me, even if I was the only one left on this planet. On Easter Sunday, my heart was heavy with the picture Pastor Jeff from Whitehaven Road Baptist Church painted about how the focus shifted from Jesus' death to His resurrection. These unfamiliar feelings I've experienced, I realize are from a better recognition of what Jesus did for me on the cross. He didn't want to do this (Matthew 26:39), but was so in tune with God's will that He still carried out the plan to be tortured, beaten, whipped, mocked and crucified. Can you imagine getting the call from God that you didn't like? Let alone, that resulted in your death? We just get frustrated for not knowing what God's will is! Praise Jesus that we don't have to be crucified because HE already did that for us!!! We simply (yet easier said than done) have to get rid of ourselves (Luke 9:23). That's our call.

A pastor's sermon suggested to think and pray about how we should participate in the Lent season. She said it was to identify ourself more with Christ and His death in order to fully appreciate His resurrection. After this past week, I believe I have. I've tried to describe my new appreciation here in words, but words cannot describe the emotions I feel.

I don't think it matters if you're Catholic or Protestant or whatever to partake in the Lent season or to appreciate Easter. It's more important to know that when Jesus said in His last, dying breath "It is finished" (John 19:30), your sins are paid for. You may enter the Kingdom of Heaven, if you believe that His act of selflessness happened for you.

Lent Update (2 Weeks In)

Now that it's been 2 weeks since Lent started, I thought I'd share how Lent is going. God has shown me at least 3 things through this Lent season.

1) I have a new appreciation for Lent. It has been one of the most difficult yet most rewarding Lent seasons I have participated in. Although, I've only participated in Lent twice in my life, it's still a profound experience of growth and insight, which I highly recommend to others for the future or even RIGHT NOW. (You don't have to wait til next year to take something out of your life to get closer to God or add something in. You can START NOW!)

2) Since being off of Facebook and Twitter (of my own accounts not, for work), I tell God what my tweets or status updates would have been. I have found that by doing this, I am including God more in my daily life by having more of a conversation with Him than making Him a "checklist item" on my to-do list. Instead of, "have quiet time with God,"I'm telling my thoughts throughout the day like I would by sharing my tweets with 60 people on Twitter or 800 people on Facebook, most of which I haven't spoken to in years. Why let other people you don't even talk to on a daily basis know what's going on through your head if you're not telling God first?

3) The most memorable aspect of Lent for me right now is the brand new understanding of fellowship.  God has been teaching me how tiring and exhausting being intentional with people is. Jesus did this ALL THE TIME throughout the Bible. He travels (by foot) to various towns to meet with other people, invest in their lives, talk to them, build a relationship and form a connection. He goes to people's houses for meals (doesn't eating out every day get old fast?) and he brings the disciples with Him wherever He goes! Where's His alone time? (Garden of Gethsemane) But, you NEVER see how Jesus gets tired, snappy or grumpy. People wanted to see Him crack but He never did. (thankfully)

After pouring myself out to people over meals or coffee, it has sunk in how hard it is to do all the time. Although, I have definitely been filled back up by His Spirit. I've had great conversations getting to know new people, reconnecting on a deeper level with old friends or just catching up. It has truly been rewarding and I cannot wait to see what the next few weeks have in store.

For now, please pray for strength and energy to continue on this journey. I've never realized how much I can crave desserts, candy, pop and easily give into those cravings, when after a few minutes, the cravings subside.

I will be going to Miami, FL for Spring Break with two of my closest friends at IC to see my roommate from last year and her fiance. I'm hoping the Vitamin D will prove itself :D Thanks for your prayers, your prayer support and your loyalty in reading this hahaha

Do you love me enough....?

Today, I had a great shower thought. Most of you may think this is really strange, but I actually get my BEST thoughts in the shower! So don't be surprised if you read later on and I'm referring to a "shower thought" I've had recently.

So last blog I mentioned how one of my biggest fears was loving someone so much and not have them love me back. I also said that God's been working with me on this. And, I believe my shower thought gave me the "lightbulb" (despicable me voice) to get over that fear that I've had since high school.

For some reason, while in the shower, I had the song by Switchfoot, "Enough to Let Me Go" stuck in my head. I was thinking about this song for another reason but then realized that this song totally applies to me!

In my head, I was wondering if this song was about Jon and a girl, Jon and God, or God talking to Jon...honestly, I think it can go either way. But in my instance, I believe God is speaking those words to me:

Do you love me enough to let me go?
Do you love me enough to let me go?
To let me follow through, let me fall for you, my love
Do you love me enough to let me go?


After pondering these words some more, it made me think of Abraham and Isaac. In Genesis 22, Abraham is told by God to use Isaac as a burnt offering, AFTER God previously promised Abraham he would have a son at his old age. Just by this part of the story alone, I can see how people can think the God of the Old Testament is a harsh, cold, jealous God because "what kind of god would make Abraham offer up his only son to be a burnt offering after he promised he would be the father of many nations?" Well, my friends, the people that asked that question didn't read far enough. God PROVIDED the animal needed to be sacrificed so that Abraham didn't have to kill his own son. It was a test to show how far Abraham would go to please his Father.


Now, Abraham loved God enough to let his own son, his own flesh and blood go for the sake of God the Father. If Abraham is willing to do THAT....why aren't we willing to give up our fears? Our pride? Our doubts and worries? Our plans? Our choices and decisions?


I love that God is patient with us and loves us even though we tend to do our own thing. He sits back and waits for us but gives us just what we need to come back to Him. If it's a testament of my love for God and for what He's done for me, I guess I can let go of myself, my doubts, worries, fears, and picture in my head of what my future husband will be like. You know why? I love Him enough to let Him follow through and have whoever he is fall for me. I just have to let go of myself.

The Check List Man

It is very common for women, at least for myself, to list certain attributes I am looking for in a man. For me, I can say I am looking for a man who will challenge me - challenge me spiritually in my faith and as a person, especially to make me want to become a better woman; for a man with personality - that may be tough because I have a lot of personality myself....but, I've met some Christian men who are really dull (and I'll leave it at that); lastly, I am looking for a man to not be afraid to love me back, because 1) I've got a lot of love to give 2) that's actually one of my biggest fears in life - to love someone and not have them say "I love you" back. I want him to be loyal to me as much as I'll be loyal to him. I think God's definitely working with me on this last part though and I know He's coming through for me....and right now, that's all that really matters.

Anyways, sorry, I got sidetracked. I feel like women, possibly even a majority of Christian women, are "planning" on what their future husbands will be like: "tall, dark and handsome, athletic, Christian, sweet, nice, genuine, honest, trustworthy, loyal, from a good family, has a good job...." That's great that the women who do this set their standards high! I'm ALL for high standards. But, on the other hand, are we being too selective? Are we being too picky? By making these checklists of attributes for our boyfriends, are we LIMITING ourselves from seeing the man God wants for us?

With these checklists it's really easy to just toss out a guy for not having any or all of these certain qualities we imagine for ourselves. As a Father, don't you think God knows the man who is most suitable to be with you for the rest of your life?

My senior year in high school, our whole graduating class of a whopping 61 students went on a retreat for a few days. We just hung out played games, signed yearbooks and just got to soak up being together for the last time ever. Amongst all of our fun activities, our teachers got to same of their last words of encouragement to our class. One of the most memorable stories was how my teacher was on his first date with his future (now) wife. He said, before they discussed ANYTHING, he wasn't going to make a move on her - hold her hand, kiss her, nothing. He wanted to show respect to her and put her mind at ease on their first date so that they can really get to know each other. I REALLY respect that, especially in today's society, how easy it is to get to home plate on the first date! It amazes me how far we've come sometimes....

Anyways, sorry again! I got sidetracked (both times, I felt it was necessary stories to leave in). The other story I will vividly remember (I'm PRETTY sure it was from this retreat, not 100% sure though, someone *cough cough Katie* can correct me if I'm wrong), is this metaphor of running after Jesus. First Corinthians 9:24 (and Philippians 3:14) talks about running in such a way to get the prize. And, the speaker said, if I'm running as fast as I can to Christ, passing by all my "competitors," and look to see who ends up keeping the same pace, that's the right man for me.  (If you act this motion with your hands, they eventually connect, forming a triangle - like the Trinity!)

This analogy doesn't include what the man looks like, his background, how long he's been a Christian or what he does for a living. It's focused on how hard he's striving after God, which is THE MOST attractive quality in a man. After that, all the things on your checklist would probably be checked off :)

I am glad I'm able to pass along this analogy to encourage you and encourage others as well....so please share! if you feel led...especially because I've ix-nayed (sp?) all forms of major social media interaction, it's hard to let others know this nugget of wisdom is out there. Thanks!

40 Lent People

After being reminded that Lent starts this week, Arlene Hewitt of St. Paul's Methodist Church in Ithaca, NY conveyed the importance of Lent. I was not raised participating in Lent; I thought it was mainly a "Catholic thing" but after hearing Arlene's it's not just for Catholics. Lent is a way to prepare our hearts in order to come to the cross. Yes, it is true that we can go to the cross anytime, anywhere, at any season of our lives, but especially for us Christians, we can have a better idea of what it means to be "hungry" for Christ (Luke 4:2).

It took me a few years to participate in the Lent season, but after I noticing that Lent isn't just about taking away something and making ourselves miserable to then either party hard right before or after the season, I found we can still get valuable experiences and spiritual growth out of Lent. I appreciate one of my best friends deciding to participate in Lent while I was studying abroad in Rome and telling me that she decided to change her regular schedule in mind, body and soul. She decided to journal instead of watch TV; not to eat desserts and to have more quiet time with God? Not sure on the last one but seems right...Arlene definitely reiterated that Lent isn't just about taking something away but adding something more to your walk with God.

Therefore, after thinking about this and quickly getting a Word from the Big Man above, I've decided to meet with or chat with 40 different people from the Ithaca College Protestant Community or Cornell Fellowship of Christian Athletes, past alumni, or friends from high school. (If you're reading this, you can probably expect a phone call or skype date from me :) I'll probably also not use Twitter for 40 days, just telling God my thoughts in 140 characters or less lol; I'll probably refrain from pop and possibly dessert, which will be SUPER TOUGH as I've had chocolates in my apartment all year and/or baked goods - especially chocolate ones.

I think meeting with various people in the community and catching up with past friends, will be a great way to reconnect or connect and get to know others on a deeper level. I strongly believe that Facebook and Twitter has made all of us lazy in how we communicate with others because we already know the gist about what's going on in others' lives. We can just look up their timeline or profile or tweets to know what's up with so and so, when we could have just called, which I also think has gotten even more intimate than it has been in the past. People would rather say, shoot me a text! Instead of call me? Where's the communication in that? Jesus said, "Go and make" not "go look it up on your smart phone."

Fillers

As my parents and I sit in one of their favorite restaurants, Puerta Vallarta, (NO JOKE) I look across to another table of a mom and a daughter waiting for their food, BOTH on electronic devices. This picture of a mom and daughter bonding (my guess is that these get togethers don't occur often) over dinner yet not speaking to each other, only to pay more attention to a screen, saddened me. Is this really what our world is coming to?

Again, I sit and wait in a waiting room or in Starbucks and see that EVERY single person is looking at this little 3" screen...where's the face to face interaction (don't persuade me that FaceTime fixes that)?!?! Would it be possible that people talk more to Siri than to actual people?

This introduction may be more of a stretch, but I just challenge those who are glued to their phones and other devices to take a self-assessment and see where you're spending your time. I have an iPhone too and I fall short too, filling my time with playing Fruit Ninja or Words With Friends. But, as I find that I'm guilty of technology's advancements, I also should be including God in my every day situations, not Siri.  This is daily devotional is one BIG reason why I'm becoming more aware of what I'm filling my time with:

As workers for God we have to learn to make room for God – to give God "elbow room." We calculate and estimate, and say that this and that will happen, and we forget to make room for God to come in as He chooses. Would we be surprised if God came into our meeting or into our preaching in a way we had never looked for Him to come? Do not look for God to come in any particular way, but look for Him. That is the way to make room for Him. Expect Him to come, but do not expect Him only in a certain way. However much we may know God, the great lesson to learn is that at any minute He may break in. We are apt to over look this element of surprise, yet God never works in any other way. All of a sudden God meets the life – "When it was the good pleasure of God . . ."

Keep your life so constant in its contact with God that His surprising power may break out on the right hand and on the left. Always be in a state of expectancy, and see that you leave room for God to come in as He likes. - Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - THINK about such things. Philippians 4:8

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder"

Who holds you? Who tells you that you're pretty enough or smart enough or that you're good enough? Is it your boyfriend? Is it your parents? Is it your boss? Is it your friends on Facebook that "like" your new profile picture? Or is it your Father?

Our society, especially women in our society, are searching for all of those answers to those questions in the wrong places. There's only one entity that matters, who says, "you're good enough just as you are - broken, alone, insecure, scared - you know why? Because I AM good enough for you." that's God our Father.

People, us women, search for the answers to the wrong questions. "Why am I single? Why am I alone? Will someone, like a boyfriend or husband, love me and hold me close? Who will protect me? Who will be my knight in shining armor that will come rescue me and sweep me off my feet?" Get the idea? We ask ourselves these variations of these questions over and over and wonder why we're lonely and need someone to just wrap their arms around us. But, you know who does answer ALL (and I MEAN) all of those questions? God our Father does, once again.

You see, God as our Father is enough. And, if we're still asking ourselves all of those above questions, we're still missing out on all that He has to offer. He has ALREADY DONE ALL OF THOSE THINGS!!! If you think that your future husband or boyfriend is going to fulfill all of 1 Corinthians 13, keep your spirits high (I'm doing the same thing haha) but just know, God is ALREADY all of 1 Corinthians 13!!! He was 2000+ years ago and He still is today! It's amazing how "with the Lord a day is like a thousand years and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone come to repentance" (2 Peter 3:8-9).

Do you see?!?!? He's WAITING FOR YOU TO GET TO KNOW HIM!!! That's why we're still here on this earth until we all face Him on Judgement Day. His followers are here to spread this good news to those that don't know about Him yet! God's waiting for YOU to come around.

Ok, sorry, I got a little off track, in a good direction, but now back to what I was saying.

So if you're still waiting for Mr. or Mrs. Right, just realize that God's Fatherly qualities answer all of your questions AND He's actually the one waiting for YOU. He's the only one that can truly satisfy our desire for love and rid us of our loneliness and hopes for a relationship because a relationship with Him is the only relationship that truly matters.