Do you love me enough....?

Today, I had a great shower thought. Most of you may think this is really strange, but I actually get my BEST thoughts in the shower! So don't be surprised if you read later on and I'm referring to a "shower thought" I've had recently.

So last blog I mentioned how one of my biggest fears was loving someone so much and not have them love me back. I also said that God's been working with me on this. And, I believe my shower thought gave me the "lightbulb" (despicable me voice) to get over that fear that I've had since high school.

For some reason, while in the shower, I had the song by Switchfoot, "Enough to Let Me Go" stuck in my head. I was thinking about this song for another reason but then realized that this song totally applies to me!

In my head, I was wondering if this song was about Jon and a girl, Jon and God, or God talking to Jon...honestly, I think it can go either way. But in my instance, I believe God is speaking those words to me:

Do you love me enough to let me go?
Do you love me enough to let me go?
To let me follow through, let me fall for you, my love
Do you love me enough to let me go?


After pondering these words some more, it made me think of Abraham and Isaac. In Genesis 22, Abraham is told by God to use Isaac as a burnt offering, AFTER God previously promised Abraham he would have a son at his old age. Just by this part of the story alone, I can see how people can think the God of the Old Testament is a harsh, cold, jealous God because "what kind of god would make Abraham offer up his only son to be a burnt offering after he promised he would be the father of many nations?" Well, my friends, the people that asked that question didn't read far enough. God PROVIDED the animal needed to be sacrificed so that Abraham didn't have to kill his own son. It was a test to show how far Abraham would go to please his Father.


Now, Abraham loved God enough to let his own son, his own flesh and blood go for the sake of God the Father. If Abraham is willing to do THAT....why aren't we willing to give up our fears? Our pride? Our doubts and worries? Our plans? Our choices and decisions?


I love that God is patient with us and loves us even though we tend to do our own thing. He sits back and waits for us but gives us just what we need to come back to Him. If it's a testament of my love for God and for what He's done for me, I guess I can let go of myself, my doubts, worries, fears, and picture in my head of what my future husband will be like. You know why? I love Him enough to let Him follow through and have whoever he is fall for me. I just have to let go of myself.

The Check List Man

It is very common for women, at least for myself, to list certain attributes I am looking for in a man. For me, I can say I am looking for a man who will challenge me - challenge me spiritually in my faith and as a person, especially to make me want to become a better woman; for a man with personality - that may be tough because I have a lot of personality myself....but, I've met some Christian men who are really dull (and I'll leave it at that); lastly, I am looking for a man to not be afraid to love me back, because 1) I've got a lot of love to give 2) that's actually one of my biggest fears in life - to love someone and not have them say "I love you" back. I want him to be loyal to me as much as I'll be loyal to him. I think God's definitely working with me on this last part though and I know He's coming through for me....and right now, that's all that really matters.

Anyways, sorry, I got sidetracked. I feel like women, possibly even a majority of Christian women, are "planning" on what their future husbands will be like: "tall, dark and handsome, athletic, Christian, sweet, nice, genuine, honest, trustworthy, loyal, from a good family, has a good job...." That's great that the women who do this set their standards high! I'm ALL for high standards. But, on the other hand, are we being too selective? Are we being too picky? By making these checklists of attributes for our boyfriends, are we LIMITING ourselves from seeing the man God wants for us?

With these checklists it's really easy to just toss out a guy for not having any or all of these certain qualities we imagine for ourselves. As a Father, don't you think God knows the man who is most suitable to be with you for the rest of your life?

My senior year in high school, our whole graduating class of a whopping 61 students went on a retreat for a few days. We just hung out played games, signed yearbooks and just got to soak up being together for the last time ever. Amongst all of our fun activities, our teachers got to same of their last words of encouragement to our class. One of the most memorable stories was how my teacher was on his first date with his future (now) wife. He said, before they discussed ANYTHING, he wasn't going to make a move on her - hold her hand, kiss her, nothing. He wanted to show respect to her and put her mind at ease on their first date so that they can really get to know each other. I REALLY respect that, especially in today's society, how easy it is to get to home plate on the first date! It amazes me how far we've come sometimes....

Anyways, sorry again! I got sidetracked (both times, I felt it was necessary stories to leave in). The other story I will vividly remember (I'm PRETTY sure it was from this retreat, not 100% sure though, someone *cough cough Katie* can correct me if I'm wrong), is this metaphor of running after Jesus. First Corinthians 9:24 (and Philippians 3:14) talks about running in such a way to get the prize. And, the speaker said, if I'm running as fast as I can to Christ, passing by all my "competitors," and look to see who ends up keeping the same pace, that's the right man for me.  (If you act this motion with your hands, they eventually connect, forming a triangle - like the Trinity!)

This analogy doesn't include what the man looks like, his background, how long he's been a Christian or what he does for a living. It's focused on how hard he's striving after God, which is THE MOST attractive quality in a man. After that, all the things on your checklist would probably be checked off :)

I am glad I'm able to pass along this analogy to encourage you and encourage others as well....so please share! if you feel led...especially because I've ix-nayed (sp?) all forms of major social media interaction, it's hard to let others know this nugget of wisdom is out there. Thanks!

40 Lent People

After being reminded that Lent starts this week, Arlene Hewitt of St. Paul's Methodist Church in Ithaca, NY conveyed the importance of Lent. I was not raised participating in Lent; I thought it was mainly a "Catholic thing" but after hearing Arlene's it's not just for Catholics. Lent is a way to prepare our hearts in order to come to the cross. Yes, it is true that we can go to the cross anytime, anywhere, at any season of our lives, but especially for us Christians, we can have a better idea of what it means to be "hungry" for Christ (Luke 4:2).

It took me a few years to participate in the Lent season, but after I noticing that Lent isn't just about taking away something and making ourselves miserable to then either party hard right before or after the season, I found we can still get valuable experiences and spiritual growth out of Lent. I appreciate one of my best friends deciding to participate in Lent while I was studying abroad in Rome and telling me that she decided to change her regular schedule in mind, body and soul. She decided to journal instead of watch TV; not to eat desserts and to have more quiet time with God? Not sure on the last one but seems right...Arlene definitely reiterated that Lent isn't just about taking something away but adding something more to your walk with God.

Therefore, after thinking about this and quickly getting a Word from the Big Man above, I've decided to meet with or chat with 40 different people from the Ithaca College Protestant Community or Cornell Fellowship of Christian Athletes, past alumni, or friends from high school. (If you're reading this, you can probably expect a phone call or skype date from me :) I'll probably also not use Twitter for 40 days, just telling God my thoughts in 140 characters or less lol; I'll probably refrain from pop and possibly dessert, which will be SUPER TOUGH as I've had chocolates in my apartment all year and/or baked goods - especially chocolate ones.

I think meeting with various people in the community and catching up with past friends, will be a great way to reconnect or connect and get to know others on a deeper level. I strongly believe that Facebook and Twitter has made all of us lazy in how we communicate with others because we already know the gist about what's going on in others' lives. We can just look up their timeline or profile or tweets to know what's up with so and so, when we could have just called, which I also think has gotten even more intimate than it has been in the past. People would rather say, shoot me a text! Instead of call me? Where's the communication in that? Jesus said, "Go and make" not "go look it up on your smart phone."